Weird Al’s “Another one bites the dust” parody must have been written about China buses. I cannot imagine people in the US EVER being ok with that kind of crowds. Today on the way home from Heidi’s in the hardcore country I thought I was going to die. I literally get on the bus at the second stop on the route and there are literally no seats left. So I wrap myself around the pole near the door and hold on for dear life. Longhua is forever under construction; every time you go outside another road has been dug up and covered with bamboo. The US has orange caution cones, China has bamboo. However, in China no one is afraid of off-roading short cuts. So my huge bus decided they will detour THROUGH the construction sites! I am literally airborne on each bump. I look around and I’m deeply concerned that no one else is surprised by this; just part of china rush hour! So at each of the next stops a flood of people stampede onto the bus , ripping me from my safety pole and further down to the middle of the bus. I reach up and hold one of the hanging down handle thing. After the next bump I learn that the stupid handle is attached by a loose strap the slides along the long pole like a backyard dog leash zip line! AKA I fly into the man beside me at full force!
Lucky a few stops later I had a wall of people around me including a woman behind me with her arms wrapped completely around me and leaning forward to grab the chair in front of me. So though I had nothing to hold on to, I was sardined between the woman’s body pressing against me and the shoulder of the man I was standing over. From then on we all moved as a unit. I looked at the man and wondered if it was better to be the one standing and invading his space or the one sitting being invaded? I was pressed up against his shoulder, people where gripping his head rest for safety so he couldn’t sit back. Then the woman in front of him is holding her shopping bags in his face and resting on his knees banging against the hard plastic seat in front of him. Just then my knees lock and I start to feel like I am going to faint. I lean to shift my weight but literally cannot penetrate the wall of people around me, even a few inches to bend my knees or lean to one side. I would gladly be suffocated in a shopping bag if it meant I could sit down!
Amazingly, even though I couldn’t get an inch of wiggle room the bus attendant was able to push through the crowd to collect the bus fare at each stop. So I was facing the window and never saw the wave coming. But every so often the wall around me would push against me forcing me to simulate the self- Heimlich against the seat back and man in front of me. So we get to a large checkpoint and half of the bus stands up and pushed towards the exit. I get excited that maybe the crowds will clear out and I can have some breathing room. Then I notice the swarm of people running beside the bus as it slows down. Even before the doors open the people outside are elbowing each other to get to the front of the crowd and be the first on the bus. The mob of people is so large and rowdy that the man trying to get off the bus was unable to get off. It looked like he was crowd surfing at a rock concert. Two times he rammed his shoulder forward trying to break through and was carried back on to the bus, all this 2 feet over the crowd unable to reach the ground down from the step up on to the bus. A punch was thrown and a police officer dragged the man out of the crowd trying to get on the bus. I watched as the man got right in the officers face screaming something I couldn’t understand. The officer mouthed back but when the man yelled again the officer pointed his finger right in the man’s face and gave him the evil eye. I was freighted even from the other side of the window. The man finally walked off and I guess excepted he would have to wait for the next bus.
Another time on this same bus trip, as we were approaching this checkpoint stop the bus attendant yelled something and a swarm of people starting banging on the door to let them off in the middle of the traffic jam. We get to the stop and a Police officer gets on the bus and asks for everyone’s IDs. I start freaking out because I don’t carry my passport with me so I had no ID. He would tap someone on the shoulder every now and then and they would scurry off the bus. I tried to look pitiful hoping he would accept, “ting bu dong, I don’t understand” as proof of my Foreign status. I was shocked when he came to me and said, “Hello, Welcome to China. Do you speak Chinese?” I responded in broken Chinese, “very little.” And he asks, “Where are you from?” I slowly respond in my best Chinese, “wo shi Mei guo ren, wo shi laoshi” which is the extent of my Chinese language skills. He responds “USA? OK!” and moves on to kicking off everyone around me! I realize how lucky I am to have blond hair and blue eyes. I can’t imagine that if I were an Asian American I wouldn’t have such an easy time proving my nationality. I texted my Chinese friend immediately and asked what that was all about. He said “he was maybe look for bad people. If find someone with guns or other bad things take him to police station. Maybe look for work permit in big city. You are good girl no need to worry. Any bad thing happen bus attendant is your friend, she will take care.” This sounded like a good explanation so I allowed myself to relax. THEN the next stop I see the bad people that had just been kicked off running beside the bus and back on the bus! The same man who was sitting next to me before the checkpoint, literally came back and claimed his seat. He smiled at me as he sat down. But I was suddenly very suspicious about my seat mate. It has happened 2 times now on my weekly route and always the same people get kicked off and are waiting to get back on at the next stop. Very odd. I don’t understand but I still get nervous every time.
Lucky a few stops later I had a wall of people around me including a woman behind me with her arms wrapped completely around me and leaning forward to grab the chair in front of me. So though I had nothing to hold on to, I was sardined between the woman’s body pressing against me and the shoulder of the man I was standing over. From then on we all moved as a unit. I looked at the man and wondered if it was better to be the one standing and invading his space or the one sitting being invaded? I was pressed up against his shoulder, people where gripping his head rest for safety so he couldn’t sit back. Then the woman in front of him is holding her shopping bags in his face and resting on his knees banging against the hard plastic seat in front of him. Just then my knees lock and I start to feel like I am going to faint. I lean to shift my weight but literally cannot penetrate the wall of people around me, even a few inches to bend my knees or lean to one side. I would gladly be suffocated in a shopping bag if it meant I could sit down!
Amazingly, even though I couldn’t get an inch of wiggle room the bus attendant was able to push through the crowd to collect the bus fare at each stop. So I was facing the window and never saw the wave coming. But every so often the wall around me would push against me forcing me to simulate the self- Heimlich against the seat back and man in front of me. So we get to a large checkpoint and half of the bus stands up and pushed towards the exit. I get excited that maybe the crowds will clear out and I can have some breathing room. Then I notice the swarm of people running beside the bus as it slows down. Even before the doors open the people outside are elbowing each other to get to the front of the crowd and be the first on the bus. The mob of people is so large and rowdy that the man trying to get off the bus was unable to get off. It looked like he was crowd surfing at a rock concert. Two times he rammed his shoulder forward trying to break through and was carried back on to the bus, all this 2 feet over the crowd unable to reach the ground down from the step up on to the bus. A punch was thrown and a police officer dragged the man out of the crowd trying to get on the bus. I watched as the man got right in the officers face screaming something I couldn’t understand. The officer mouthed back but when the man yelled again the officer pointed his finger right in the man’s face and gave him the evil eye. I was freighted even from the other side of the window. The man finally walked off and I guess excepted he would have to wait for the next bus.
Another time on this same bus trip, as we were approaching this checkpoint stop the bus attendant yelled something and a swarm of people starting banging on the door to let them off in the middle of the traffic jam. We get to the stop and a Police officer gets on the bus and asks for everyone’s IDs. I start freaking out because I don’t carry my passport with me so I had no ID. He would tap someone on the shoulder every now and then and they would scurry off the bus. I tried to look pitiful hoping he would accept, “ting bu dong, I don’t understand” as proof of my Foreign status. I was shocked when he came to me and said, “Hello, Welcome to China. Do you speak Chinese?” I responded in broken Chinese, “very little.” And he asks, “Where are you from?” I slowly respond in my best Chinese, “wo shi Mei guo ren, wo shi laoshi” which is the extent of my Chinese language skills. He responds “USA? OK!” and moves on to kicking off everyone around me! I realize how lucky I am to have blond hair and blue eyes. I can’t imagine that if I were an Asian American I wouldn’t have such an easy time proving my nationality. I texted my Chinese friend immediately and asked what that was all about. He said “he was maybe look for bad people. If find someone with guns or other bad things take him to police station. Maybe look for work permit in big city. You are good girl no need to worry. Any bad thing happen bus attendant is your friend, she will take care.” This sounded like a good explanation so I allowed myself to relax. THEN the next stop I see the bad people that had just been kicked off running beside the bus and back on the bus! The same man who was sitting next to me before the checkpoint, literally came back and claimed his seat. He smiled at me as he sat down. But I was suddenly very suspicious about my seat mate. It has happened 2 times now on my weekly route and always the same people get kicked off and are waiting to get back on at the next stop. Very odd. I don’t understand but I still get nervous every time.
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