China Water

Some days China is just too much for me. Many cultural differences I can get over easily. Raising chickens in the 2 inches of overgrown plants on the side of the road in the heart of the city, sure not a big deal.  Working Saturday and Sunday to “make up for your holiday”, that makes it a non-holiday but whatever. The constant touching and pushing is on the high annoyance end. But I can understand there are just to dang many people, it’s unavoidable… kinda.

However, I have one China irritation that can not be rationalized. One day, just one day, I would like to be able to walk down the street or ride on the bus without seeing baby penis! All of the babies here wear slit pants, which is regular clothes with a slit from waistband to waistband. Boys and girls.  So when you walk down the street you will see babies squat down on the sidewalk to pee, without having to take their pants off.  Inside the metro or grocery store I will see a dad holding their baby by the legs in the sitting position. The parents scurry around and find a trashcan, plant, or plastic bag to let the baby pee over. I have literally witnessed all three.

There are days, on the walk from my apartment to the bus stop, I will see 10 babies peeing. And that is only a 5 minute walk! I know right then, it’s gonna be a China day. I have to fight the urge to turn around and head back to bed! The worst part is it not only babies! I haven’t been able to establish what the age cut off is that you have to find a bathroom. I have seen maybe 8, 9 year olds that the parents point to a tree and the kid pulls their pants down, right there on the street and squats down to do their business. I will be walking down the street saying hello to the lines of school children flooding the streets, and then you see a kid standing funny ahead. I think to myself, “what is that kid doing, oh he is peeing! Look away, look away!” But it is too late. Roz says all the time, “things have been seen that cannot be unseen.”

The worst was once when I was in the mixC, which is a very rich, western style mall that I can’t afford anything in. Usually the classy places like that you can escape the public urination. But in China, no where is safe. Honestly I only go to the mixC because they have the cleanest bathrooms in the whole district. But I kid you not! I saw a mom pick up their 7 or 8 year old to drop trousers  hold them over a plastic tree in the middle aisle of the mall.  A couple of things that made this ridiculous; 7 year olds are old enough to hold it until you find a bathroom, and the kid was way too big for the mom to be picking up. I bet the kid weighted more than his mother, I don’t know how she could lift him! And the worst part, the bathroom was literally 5 steps away! I had to fight the urge to take a picture, but if I had you could literally see the bathroom sign directly behind the mom letting her child pee in the plant!

Back to the slit pants, let’s define the term babies. Toddlers is probably a better term but I am still completely unable to guess the age of Chinese people. But the babies sit by themselves on the bus, with the slit pants so they are all exposed and too young to know how to sit with their legs closed. The way the seats on the bus are set up, 6 to 8 seats in the front are along the window facing across the bus rather than ahead so you are staring at the person across from you. This is often where I am stuck sitting and it just seems that the mom with her slit-pants-baby is always sitting across from me. The moms will hold the babies looking out in the sitting position holding the legs apart. Especially with the male babies it’s like they are proud to show the world, “look! Yes! I have a son!” And you know that baby is staring at me like I am the zoo exhibit, when he is the one showing off his goodies.

I was shopping later and they were selling posters of random things. And there was a picture of these super cute babies is this silly outfit. Then you look closer and realize that their penis is showing proudly! I guess it’s like the US where naked baby butt are considered cute but adult butts are inappropriate. Baby penis is acceptable art? We joke about buying one of the pictures and slipping it into a friend’s language on the way back to the US. You know customs would stop them and consider that child pornography. And I have since then seen that same picture sold other places. So it’s not just one creepy guy who thinks that’s cute.  No matter how long I am in China, the American in me will never be comfortable with all the baby penis!

I don’t know if it’s a draining issue or what, but you cannot walk around in Shenzhen without stepping in a puddle, we call this “China Juice.” Shop owners will just throw a bucket of water on the floor and swipe it into the streets. So many times you are stepping in a man-made puddle of garbage or dirty cleaning water. The other option is that it is literally a child’s pee. If you walk by enough children peeing you begin to view every puddle as urine. Even small restaurants when I order water I looked at the glass and think, is this boiled water? Or is it some of the street run off? Most likely, urine. The mist machine they installed in the shopping center… urine. The rain dripping off the side of the building… urine! China water… urine. No thanks.