There are days when I find myself in situations where I think, I am the worst teacher ever. How have they not fired me yet? I will give you two examples:
A few weeks ago on a Monday night I went to the McDonalds for dinner. As I am sitting there I notice a table of my students outside. I consider saying hello until I realize it is 5 of my boys sitting around shirtless and chasing their cheese burgers with beer! I decided the polite thing to do is keep my head down and walk by like I don’t notice. But you know as soon as I came outside the shout MISS CHRISTY! HELLO! So I have to reward their English. I say hello and point to the 5 beer bottles and ask, “Was it a hard day? Why so much beer?” Mind you they are all drinking 40s out of the bottle, and most Chinese men I know get drunk off of one beer! It is a school night and they have class at 7:30 the next morning; They are 16 years old and outside less than a block from the school!
They assure me, “we are the school sports winner, and this is our reward!” My first thought is dear God please tell me the school did not give them beer. But instead being the good teacher I am, I slowly reach for a bottle and pretend to steal it saying, “for me?” to which they respond by pulling up a chair for me to join them. I laughed and assured them I was just kidding. “ok see you in class, bye-bye!” and I scurried off awkwardly. This was obviously much more shocking to me than them. Is it normal for teachers to drink with their 16 year old students? In public? Shirtless? Umm no!
On a Thursday after my classes I decided to leave early and go out to meet some friends. I don’t think I am supposed to stay in my office all day, but all the Chinese teachers do, so I feel a little guilty leaving early and coming in late. But anyway I get on the bus and 2 of my students call my name. The girls are both foreign exchange students, one from Germany and one from Lithuania, both with very good English. As foreigners we have a sort of different bond than the normal student-teacher relationship. We small talk and realize we are heading the same direction. Then one of the girls tells me she is on her way to get a tattoo, in Dongmen! We had done a tattoo lesson last month and the students told me you can get tattoos in Dongmen for 15 kuai ($3)! I responded that discount price also includes AIDS, and it wasn’t a good idea! Side note I clearly stated in my class that I was not encouraging them to get tattoos and they are less common than the movies and celebrities would make it seem.
She assured me that they had met the artist and his shop was very clean and his sketch was very impressive. I told them again to be careful. Then I looked around and asked, “are you done with classes for the day or did you leave early?” the girls look at each other and then giggle, “are we allowed to tell you we are skipping?” to which I reply “OMG I’m going to get fired, if anyone sees us skipping together!”
So somehow it came up that the girl had a new Chinese boyfriend and the mom in me went into over drive. Having heard not the greatest things about Chinese boys I tried to warn her in a friendly way of the cultural conflicts you run into. Chinese men expect the girls to be very submissive and will do anything to impress you when you are first dating and then completely change once they get what they want, or think you are hooked. They are often very serious very quickly and bring up marriage after the first date! Her response was “don’t worry, he is very western. He learned English from listening to Eminem and talks just like him!”
“Oh no, his name isn’t slim is it?”
“How do you know Slim?”
“I do not like him!”
the thought of this jerk corrupting my favorite student made me sick… and here is why:
A few months ago I was walking around Dafen, the art village, and I hear 2 guys speaking English. I turn to see a foreigner and a Chinese guy speaking in almost an American accent. I whispered the Heidi, “did you hear that, its freakin’ me out.” I always notice foreigners because they are often in my company, since there are 150 of us. The Chinese guy must have super human hearing because he turns around and says, “Who is freakin’ you out? Me or him? I’m Chinese but I speak 3 languages; Chinese, English and Nigga talk!”
Without thinking I respond, “You’re gonna get shot.”
He pulls on his saggy pants and says, “Bitch, I got a gun. You think I’m scared.”
This boy was 5 foot tall, 80 pounds looking like a 12 year old! He aint got no gun! This is China, no one has guns! The ghetto in me came out and I yell out, “Excuse you? Who do you think you’re talking to like that?” and he walks off laughing with his friend. These idiot kids repeat crap they hear in movies, but you say it to the wrong person and you’re gonna get hit. American’s don’t put up with ignorance like that. So I’m telling the story to Roz and she tells me she knows the guy, he is a high school drop out that learned English from listening to rap music and calls himself Slim. Telling the story to my students they say the same thing, “yea that sounds like Slim. But he can be nice too.”
I go off on another mama rank that you have to be careful who you spend your time with because people rub off on you. And you can’t talk like that, because you never know when you are going to say it in front of the wrong person.
But she responds, “Don’t worry, I am not dating Slim. I am dating his best friend, Dragon! He is a KFC delivery boy.”
maybe he gives her free chicken! i want some... i miss u you're the best teacher ever!
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