So for Christmas this year we find out at the last minute that the Chinese education bureau wants to throw a Christmas party for all the foreign teachers. They have rented out a hotel and a santa suite for the occasion. So I went with a few friends to get hair washes to relax before the party. The guys there let us give them English names. We took our responsibility very seriously and want them to have cool names not the standard John and Matt like every other Chinese man. So in honor of my favorite Christmas song the crazy haired guy is now DOMINIC ( like the donkey hee hee) and the other guy had the pucker lips so he needed a gangster name, JAMAL! So if you are ever in Shenzhen and meet 2 Chinese men named Dominic and Jamal you can know I have left my mark!
Apparently our contact teachers were invited to the dinner as well and were encouraged to drive us. My teacher however was relieved when I said I was meeting up with friends earlier, to which she responded, “good I won’t have to drive you, much more convenient for me.” Well, Bah humbug biatch! I didn’t say it out loud but it was all over my face I am sure she knew. SO Roz’ contact teacher adopted me and took me to dinner with her and one other teacher. I skipped lunch at my school so that I would have time to make the 2 hour bus ride and get my hair did. Bad choice. The dinner was suposta start at 6pm which really means at 630 they start giving speeches while I contemplate eating the napkins! I understand it is a Chinese dinner but I was expecting Christmas foods. So I passed on the chicken feet and baked fish thinking surely the turkey would be out soon. No such luck! So I tried to fill up on the fired bananas and rice but was left wanting more. We were also to provide the entertainment so a few on the teachers played Christmas songs on random Chinese instruments they bought on the way in. Not the most professional but highly entertaining. I don’t know where they found them but the cutest 4 little Chinese children all got up on stage and sang for us. Maybe I cried.
One of my friends tried to get me to sing with her but I was blanking on all the words of songs we would sing together. She got tired of waiting and sang an opera song I didn’t know. I decided I wanted to sing Santa baby, since one of my guy friends was the first one to claim the santa suite! I was told I would have to wait for the important people to leave first, that it may be too risky for our Chinese officials at the bureau. So as soon as they left 3 guys jumped up on stage and sang a Christmas rap they had written for the occasion, complete with a bilingual chorus of come get that ice cream in Chinese and English! Definitely not PG. Then they asked santa to come on stage and take pictures with all the good boys and girls on Santa’s lap. I decided this was my turn! And I announced that I would recite my wish list in song! Pictures will be up soon. I felt like a rock star! Everyone was laughing and taking pictures; this was the first time most of them had heard me speak. I have been surprisingly shy with this group so far if you can believe it. What a perfect introduction! So after one of the girls says her school has asked that she get a group to dance the cupid shuffle at her school this week and I volunteered. We took this chance with the whole group together to practice. The only space we found that was big enough was in the parking lot of side of the hotel. This attracted a nice crowd of Chinese people circling around to see the crazy foreigners jumping around in the parking lot. Including santa! It was hilarious! Line dancing with santa is forever going to be my new Christmas tradition. Naturally this turnd into a huge photo shoot with young girls fighting over who got to stand with santa!
So when we decided we wanted to go out to some bars or something we found this is also the Chinese tradition. They all participate in the western holiday night life, which lead to us getting turned away from clubs which never happens, especially to white girls! The clubs that would let us in wanted 100 to 200rmb cover charge, also unheard of any other day. We instead found that the real party had spilled out on to the streets. We see hundreds of Chinese people running around with spray bottles in a silly string and fake snow war! People stood on the streets with boxes on amo for anyone who wanted to join the fight! They were sold out by the time I got into it, but I thoroughly enjoyed the scene! People went crazy when the foreigners become the new targets! They let one of our guys fire the first shot but then they were ambushed! You couldn’t even see who was who! It was just a frenzy of white clumps and string! People were running and hiding behind trash cans! This is how China celebrates Christmas! I was proud!
The craziest part of the night was the midget who has haunted my dreams every night since. At first he came up and walked beside our group until he saw us do a double take in shock. He was a beggar but didn’t have any cup or anything . One of the girls had a bag of oranges left over from dinner that was giving out and offered him one to which he responded by slapping her butt! She threw 3 oranges at him and angrily and yelled, Juggle! Hoping that was the end. Seeing that his behavior got our attention he proceeded to walk in circles around us slap all the girl’s butts when they weren’t looking at him. He walked next to me smiling and I step in front of one of the guys so he wouldn’t touch me. He instead reached up and grabbed my chest to which I slapped his hand away and he grabbed my arm not wanting to let go! My guy friend yelled at him in Chinese to go away and stood in between us. We circled up outside a club trying to bargain our way in. Trying different techniques to look like a more desirable group such as arranging ourselves in boy girl pairs since clubs don’t like to have more boys than girls. We even stood with the white people standing in the front and the Chinese in the back to make it seem like we were all foreigners. The price was still more than we were willing to pay. But the whole time the midget continued to taunt us! He must have had some mental issues because he had such a creepy look in his eyes and he enjoyed the girls running from him. Even after many of the guys continued to push him away he wouldn’t stop grabbing at the girls. He even jumped up and hit me on the top of the head. I started to cry I was so shaken by him. It was so creepy and I was on edge. In the US I would have cussed him out, but he had no idea what we were saying. One of the girls was drunk and didn’t care about the language barrier and just decided to scream in his face in English. He responded in some mocking tone and shaking his hands in her face and she mimed the same behavior to him. Finally one of our Chinese friends knelt down to his level and asked what we had to do to make him leave and it turns out he gave him 1 kuai (about 20cents) and he happily ran away!
We ended the night all going back to the hotel and playing card games. We even taught 2 or our Chinese friends with very limited English how to play KINGS! I was impressed that he caught on so quickly with so many rules and English concepts of rhythm and questions only and categories! I definitely could not do that in Chinese! We woke up Christmas day to no snow but a painfully cold and windy day! The southern China version of a white Christmas! I rewarded myself with by picking up a tailor made cashmere/wool coat I ordered last week. Merry Christmas to me! I still can’t believe she made me a jacket in one week so perfectly to my measurements. And for only 500 kuai ($85 US). It was crazy to walk through the crowded business streets. It was just like any other day here.
Apparently our contact teachers were invited to the dinner as well and were encouraged to drive us. My teacher however was relieved when I said I was meeting up with friends earlier, to which she responded, “good I won’t have to drive you, much more convenient for me.” Well, Bah humbug biatch! I didn’t say it out loud but it was all over my face I am sure she knew. SO Roz’ contact teacher adopted me and took me to dinner with her and one other teacher. I skipped lunch at my school so that I would have time to make the 2 hour bus ride and get my hair did. Bad choice. The dinner was suposta start at 6pm which really means at 630 they start giving speeches while I contemplate eating the napkins! I understand it is a Chinese dinner but I was expecting Christmas foods. So I passed on the chicken feet and baked fish thinking surely the turkey would be out soon. No such luck! So I tried to fill up on the fired bananas and rice but was left wanting more. We were also to provide the entertainment so a few on the teachers played Christmas songs on random Chinese instruments they bought on the way in. Not the most professional but highly entertaining. I don’t know where they found them but the cutest 4 little Chinese children all got up on stage and sang for us. Maybe I cried.
One of my friends tried to get me to sing with her but I was blanking on all the words of songs we would sing together. She got tired of waiting and sang an opera song I didn’t know. I decided I wanted to sing Santa baby, since one of my guy friends was the first one to claim the santa suite! I was told I would have to wait for the important people to leave first, that it may be too risky for our Chinese officials at the bureau. So as soon as they left 3 guys jumped up on stage and sang a Christmas rap they had written for the occasion, complete with a bilingual chorus of come get that ice cream in Chinese and English! Definitely not PG. Then they asked santa to come on stage and take pictures with all the good boys and girls on Santa’s lap. I decided this was my turn! And I announced that I would recite my wish list in song! Pictures will be up soon. I felt like a rock star! Everyone was laughing and taking pictures; this was the first time most of them had heard me speak. I have been surprisingly shy with this group so far if you can believe it. What a perfect introduction! So after one of the girls says her school has asked that she get a group to dance the cupid shuffle at her school this week and I volunteered. We took this chance with the whole group together to practice. The only space we found that was big enough was in the parking lot of side of the hotel. This attracted a nice crowd of Chinese people circling around to see the crazy foreigners jumping around in the parking lot. Including santa! It was hilarious! Line dancing with santa is forever going to be my new Christmas tradition. Naturally this turnd into a huge photo shoot with young girls fighting over who got to stand with santa!
So when we decided we wanted to go out to some bars or something we found this is also the Chinese tradition. They all participate in the western holiday night life, which lead to us getting turned away from clubs which never happens, especially to white girls! The clubs that would let us in wanted 100 to 200rmb cover charge, also unheard of any other day. We instead found that the real party had spilled out on to the streets. We see hundreds of Chinese people running around with spray bottles in a silly string and fake snow war! People stood on the streets with boxes on amo for anyone who wanted to join the fight! They were sold out by the time I got into it, but I thoroughly enjoyed the scene! People went crazy when the foreigners become the new targets! They let one of our guys fire the first shot but then they were ambushed! You couldn’t even see who was who! It was just a frenzy of white clumps and string! People were running and hiding behind trash cans! This is how China celebrates Christmas! I was proud!
The craziest part of the night was the midget who has haunted my dreams every night since. At first he came up and walked beside our group until he saw us do a double take in shock. He was a beggar but didn’t have any cup or anything . One of the girls had a bag of oranges left over from dinner that was giving out and offered him one to which he responded by slapping her butt! She threw 3 oranges at him and angrily and yelled, Juggle! Hoping that was the end. Seeing that his behavior got our attention he proceeded to walk in circles around us slap all the girl’s butts when they weren’t looking at him. He walked next to me smiling and I step in front of one of the guys so he wouldn’t touch me. He instead reached up and grabbed my chest to which I slapped his hand away and he grabbed my arm not wanting to let go! My guy friend yelled at him in Chinese to go away and stood in between us. We circled up outside a club trying to bargain our way in. Trying different techniques to look like a more desirable group such as arranging ourselves in boy girl pairs since clubs don’t like to have more boys than girls. We even stood with the white people standing in the front and the Chinese in the back to make it seem like we were all foreigners. The price was still more than we were willing to pay. But the whole time the midget continued to taunt us! He must have had some mental issues because he had such a creepy look in his eyes and he enjoyed the girls running from him. Even after many of the guys continued to push him away he wouldn’t stop grabbing at the girls. He even jumped up and hit me on the top of the head. I started to cry I was so shaken by him. It was so creepy and I was on edge. In the US I would have cussed him out, but he had no idea what we were saying. One of the girls was drunk and didn’t care about the language barrier and just decided to scream in his face in English. He responded in some mocking tone and shaking his hands in her face and she mimed the same behavior to him. Finally one of our Chinese friends knelt down to his level and asked what we had to do to make him leave and it turns out he gave him 1 kuai (about 20cents) and he happily ran away!
We ended the night all going back to the hotel and playing card games. We even taught 2 or our Chinese friends with very limited English how to play KINGS! I was impressed that he caught on so quickly with so many rules and English concepts of rhythm and questions only and categories! I definitely could not do that in Chinese! We woke up Christmas day to no snow but a painfully cold and windy day! The southern China version of a white Christmas! I rewarded myself with by picking up a tailor made cashmere/wool coat I ordered last week. Merry Christmas to me! I still can’t believe she made me a jacket in one week so perfectly to my measurements. And for only 500 kuai ($85 US). It was crazy to walk through the crowded business streets. It was just like any other day here.
HAHAHAA! Can I laugh that you got felt up by a midget?! I think it's HILARIOUS!
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