I have had a grumpy day and have sentences myself to a 1000 word essay on why I hate China to get it out of my system. So be forewarned.
My students had gotten out of control. At the beginning I saw they were all doing other homework and not paying attention and spent a lot of time walking around telling each student “put it away put it away”. Then I decided that was a pain in the butt and if they didn’t want to pay attention then I don’t care as long as they are quite. But then it turned into little groups doing their homework together and talking and running around to give each other different papers, then they began throwing things. And then there is the punk kids that knows everything already and yells out everything they are thinking because they are bored. SO I am literally screaming at the top of my lungs to the 5 kids that are listening. So I had a kick ass speech that I gave to each of my classes the last 2 weeks and things seemed to be improving. I was so proud of myself. I even went up to a group of boys talking in the back of the room and said, “why are you talking”? You already know English, you don’t need to practice? Good you answer the question on the board.” I felt like a real teacher! And it worked, it was a great feeling.
So as a reward I decided to make the next week a review and do all review games from the last 7 lessons. My first 4 classes loved it however my class today was the exception. It took 5 minutes to get them to stand up to start class, then another 5 minutes for them to sit down and stop talking. Then the game fails because no one knows any answers to my questions, even when I give hints and ask the whole class to call out the answer. So the kids get restless and switch chairs, sit on top of each other, throwing things randomly start beating the crap out of each other. So not only is everyone completely out of control, they haven’t learned ONE THING since I have been teaching them!
SO I kirk out hardcore! And scream STOP TALKING, SIT DOWN, WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? And they still talk, so I tried to use the words from the speech. “You are wasting my time. Remember we talked about wasting time? I am a good teacher, why are you being BAD students?” At this point I am fighting back the tears. I was spent, I didn’t know what else to do. And one of the smart ass boys says, “Teacher, you go back to America now?” I think he was asking if I was saying I was leaving, but I took it as an insult telling me to go home! So I say, “Fine Class over!” and walk out of the room. The other classes had just let out too so the halls where flooded with students and I held my breath to fight the tears. Students shouted, “hello, Ms. Christy!” But I couldn’t force a smile. So I say, “Not right now” and press through. I get to my office and let out a deep breath telling myself to keep it together. I am too much of a mess to make it through lunch with all the teachers so I pack up my things to go back to my apartment. For the first time since I have been hear I thought about taking all my things and never coming back.
I have grown accustomed to having all eyes on me as I take the long walk back to my apartment each day through the market. Most times I enjoy it and smile at the stares. But today with my puffy red eyes and sniffles I dreaded the walk as a zoo exhibit. Usually the stares are of admiration or astonishment. But today they were of pity or disbelief. They looked at me as if they had never seen tears. I feel Chinese people are better at hiding their emotions. The students surrounded me as I walked home. Walking quickly to caught up to me and leaning around me to look into my eyes. “So sorry, Ms. Christy” the girls repeat. I wonder if those were the students in my last class or they were just sorry in response to my tears.
Wednesday I have Chinese classes in Futian which is an hour and a half away. So once I have calmed down I get ready to head out to the bus stop. So I don’t have time for lunch so I grab a soda and get to the bus stop around my usually time. So there are 2 buses I can take to the metro and I am waiting and waiting and neither one shows up. So I look at the board and decided to take my chances on another bus that looks like it goes to another metro stop. So I hope on and ask the ticket lady for my stop to which she says no, so I say metro and she says ok. Just then I see the bus I was waiting for pass us. If I had waited 2 more minutes I would have caught it! Anyway my head is killing me and I know it is going to be about a 30min ride so I close my eyes and try to get some relief. Then the bus lady randomly taps me on the shoulder and motions for me to get out. So I get out and look for sign. No luck. So I rehearse the Chinese in my head and ask the first person to look at me where the metro is, or metro near? He answers, “sorry foreigner, I do not know” So I look at the sign and see the symbol for metro on the bus map and grab another bus. I am running about 30mins late now so when I see a sign that looks familiar I hope off the bus hoping to get to the metro quicker and make up some time. The metro stop was Shen da or Shenzhen University, which is where I got off. However, I was at the north gate and the metro is the south gate. So I start walking around the perimeter or the campus thinking I will run into the metro any minute. I see to college boys coming in the opposite direction and stop and ask them where the metro is. Before I finish my broken Chinese sentence they answer in English, “Sorry I don’t know.” So then I ask again In English and they giggle and run away like little school girls. So I keep walking and finally get to the metro a sweaty mess. Then ride the metro for 12 stops and power walk it to class miraculously only 15 mins late!
After class I went shopping with a friend. And again, I got lost. She speaks much better than me, but still no one understood her when we asked for directions. So the mall turns out to be a big room full of a million venders, all with the same crap as the person beside them. Like all of China it is crazy crowded and the sales people are ridiculously aggressive all yelling at us at once. If you look near them they start grabbing things and handing them too you, then as soon as you say no they snatch it away and give you the evil eye. Nothing has prices, and I have no idea how much things are worth so its such a pain to bargain. They start way too high so I put it back because I don’t wanna play the games. Then they shout something I don’t understand and ask for another price, and I say something really low and they laugh in my face. Whenever someone laughs in my face I am done. That is so rude to me, but its part of this game and I don’t play. SO I walk away and they run after you “OK OK OK!” No I don’t want to play your games I will buy it from the lady beside you. I hate it!
We walk down the street and men make this awful gurgle sound and hack a loogie on the ground ahead of me, Inches from my shoes! GROSS! You pass by someone and they ram their shoulders into you, rather than do the body twist to squeeze by when they clearly see me coming. An empty bus pulls up and the men are elbowing each other to race on and get the best seats! WHY CHINA! These are things I don’t think I will ever get over. And the touching! Always touch me the vendors and the beggars. It makes my skin crawl. “Ren Shan Ren Hai” people mountain people sea!
My students had gotten out of control. At the beginning I saw they were all doing other homework and not paying attention and spent a lot of time walking around telling each student “put it away put it away”. Then I decided that was a pain in the butt and if they didn’t want to pay attention then I don’t care as long as they are quite. But then it turned into little groups doing their homework together and talking and running around to give each other different papers, then they began throwing things. And then there is the punk kids that knows everything already and yells out everything they are thinking because they are bored. SO I am literally screaming at the top of my lungs to the 5 kids that are listening. So I had a kick ass speech that I gave to each of my classes the last 2 weeks and things seemed to be improving. I was so proud of myself. I even went up to a group of boys talking in the back of the room and said, “why are you talking”? You already know English, you don’t need to practice? Good you answer the question on the board.” I felt like a real teacher! And it worked, it was a great feeling.
So as a reward I decided to make the next week a review and do all review games from the last 7 lessons. My first 4 classes loved it however my class today was the exception. It took 5 minutes to get them to stand up to start class, then another 5 minutes for them to sit down and stop talking. Then the game fails because no one knows any answers to my questions, even when I give hints and ask the whole class to call out the answer. So the kids get restless and switch chairs, sit on top of each other, throwing things randomly start beating the crap out of each other. So not only is everyone completely out of control, they haven’t learned ONE THING since I have been teaching them!
SO I kirk out hardcore! And scream STOP TALKING, SIT DOWN, WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? And they still talk, so I tried to use the words from the speech. “You are wasting my time. Remember we talked about wasting time? I am a good teacher, why are you being BAD students?” At this point I am fighting back the tears. I was spent, I didn’t know what else to do. And one of the smart ass boys says, “Teacher, you go back to America now?” I think he was asking if I was saying I was leaving, but I took it as an insult telling me to go home! So I say, “Fine Class over!” and walk out of the room. The other classes had just let out too so the halls where flooded with students and I held my breath to fight the tears. Students shouted, “hello, Ms. Christy!” But I couldn’t force a smile. So I say, “Not right now” and press through. I get to my office and let out a deep breath telling myself to keep it together. I am too much of a mess to make it through lunch with all the teachers so I pack up my things to go back to my apartment. For the first time since I have been hear I thought about taking all my things and never coming back.
I have grown accustomed to having all eyes on me as I take the long walk back to my apartment each day through the market. Most times I enjoy it and smile at the stares. But today with my puffy red eyes and sniffles I dreaded the walk as a zoo exhibit. Usually the stares are of admiration or astonishment. But today they were of pity or disbelief. They looked at me as if they had never seen tears. I feel Chinese people are better at hiding their emotions. The students surrounded me as I walked home. Walking quickly to caught up to me and leaning around me to look into my eyes. “So sorry, Ms. Christy” the girls repeat. I wonder if those were the students in my last class or they were just sorry in response to my tears.
Wednesday I have Chinese classes in Futian which is an hour and a half away. So once I have calmed down I get ready to head out to the bus stop. So I don’t have time for lunch so I grab a soda and get to the bus stop around my usually time. So there are 2 buses I can take to the metro and I am waiting and waiting and neither one shows up. So I look at the board and decided to take my chances on another bus that looks like it goes to another metro stop. So I hope on and ask the ticket lady for my stop to which she says no, so I say metro and she says ok. Just then I see the bus I was waiting for pass us. If I had waited 2 more minutes I would have caught it! Anyway my head is killing me and I know it is going to be about a 30min ride so I close my eyes and try to get some relief. Then the bus lady randomly taps me on the shoulder and motions for me to get out. So I get out and look for sign. No luck. So I rehearse the Chinese in my head and ask the first person to look at me where the metro is, or metro near? He answers, “sorry foreigner, I do not know” So I look at the sign and see the symbol for metro on the bus map and grab another bus. I am running about 30mins late now so when I see a sign that looks familiar I hope off the bus hoping to get to the metro quicker and make up some time. The metro stop was Shen da or Shenzhen University, which is where I got off. However, I was at the north gate and the metro is the south gate. So I start walking around the perimeter or the campus thinking I will run into the metro any minute. I see to college boys coming in the opposite direction and stop and ask them where the metro is. Before I finish my broken Chinese sentence they answer in English, “Sorry I don’t know.” So then I ask again In English and they giggle and run away like little school girls. So I keep walking and finally get to the metro a sweaty mess. Then ride the metro for 12 stops and power walk it to class miraculously only 15 mins late!
After class I went shopping with a friend. And again, I got lost. She speaks much better than me, but still no one understood her when we asked for directions. So the mall turns out to be a big room full of a million venders, all with the same crap as the person beside them. Like all of China it is crazy crowded and the sales people are ridiculously aggressive all yelling at us at once. If you look near them they start grabbing things and handing them too you, then as soon as you say no they snatch it away and give you the evil eye. Nothing has prices, and I have no idea how much things are worth so its such a pain to bargain. They start way too high so I put it back because I don’t wanna play the games. Then they shout something I don’t understand and ask for another price, and I say something really low and they laugh in my face. Whenever someone laughs in my face I am done. That is so rude to me, but its part of this game and I don’t play. SO I walk away and they run after you “OK OK OK!” No I don’t want to play your games I will buy it from the lady beside you. I hate it!
We walk down the street and men make this awful gurgle sound and hack a loogie on the ground ahead of me, Inches from my shoes! GROSS! You pass by someone and they ram their shoulders into you, rather than do the body twist to squeeze by when they clearly see me coming. An empty bus pulls up and the men are elbowing each other to race on and get the best seats! WHY CHINA! These are things I don’t think I will ever get over. And the touching! Always touch me the vendors and the beggars. It makes my skin crawl. “Ren Shan Ren Hai” people mountain people sea!
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